Friday Fast Fiction: The Gag Writer

Wendell woke an hour before the alarm was to sound.

“Already?” asked his wife.

“Can’t sleep.” He rolled out of bed and groped his way to the door.

An hour later he was showered, in a suit and seated at the kitchen table, holding a cup.

He recalled last night when he practiced eye contact with his wife who, with a serious face, had said, “Wendell, you’ve got kale on your teeth.” She burst into laughter when he ran into the bathroom.

His wife, dressed in a nightgown, entered the kitchen.

“Don’t spill coffee on yourself–you have a job interview in an hour,” she said.

Wendell raised the cup over his head and titled it. Confetti cascaded from the mug.

They both laughed.

A few hours later his wife met him at the front door.

“How did it go?”

“Was I supposed to be somewhere?”

“The interview, you monkey.” His wife shrieked , “Your tie!”

“What about it?”

“You spilled coffee—you didn’t get the job!”

“I did. And I got you again,” he said, pulling the clean tie out of his vest pocket.

“Wendell, you are the best gag writer in the business.”

“What about a real cup o’ java? That confetti brew sticks to my throat!”

Wendell paced while his wife brewed coffee. He needed new material for the afternoon.

His wife poured hot water into the cone. She loved the stunts that had made her husband famous. Now that he was retired, she enjoyed playing the straight person—the job interview had been a great routine.